I am more intelligent than the average person. I hate it when my colleagues don't want to admit that they are. When asked: Are you smarter than the average person in our country? They avoid the question or respond in bad faith questioning me about what intelligence even means. I say bad faith because when I specify a measure e.g., standardized IQ tests. They still don’t answer. The answer here should be an obvious "Of course I am". They all have a master’s degree in a hard science. Half of them have PhDs. The average IQ of students at the universities they graduate from is ~124 for undergrads. The sheer arrogance to suggest you somehow are less than the 50th percentile of the country, implying what? You are at the bottom intelligence-wise of your classmates? Even though you graduated with honours while others struggled through it? If I were to ask them do you think you are less intelligent than the average citizen, they would say no. Maybe they checked beforehand if we have an odd or even number of citizens at that exact moment somehow, as depending on that, technically they could be the exact statistical average.

I understand why they do it, but it still bothers me for two reasons. Firstly, there is the privilege aspect. Many of them come from wealthy families with parents that are successful, highly educated and earn a good income. Even though they are blind to it, it is though to argue when the value of their parental home outstrips the wealth of the vast majority of citizens. Just like they are privileged to be born to parents that speak the language fluently and have the privilege of being white. Yet the largest privilege of them all, being intelligent enough to do this cushy job is lost on them. I say I am intelligent, as it is a privilege I have. I was lucky to be born with it. Lucky to be born in a time where my type of intelligence has economic value. It allowed me to go into higher education and have more options than others around me. Them not acknowledging this is frustrating. Their willingness to acknowledge this when the question is posited as a question of privilege vs something braggy is even worse! Just give me your honest estimate!

Secondly why this bothers me is that I try to keep myself grounded in reality with my rule of "statistical average". It goes like this: For any metric, assume you are the average of the population, till met with GROUNDED data that would move your priors. For instance, I initially assume I have an average intelligence, till I can point to facts such as ‘finishing a master’s degree in computational chemistry with honours’, that if I here about someone else would move my opinion about their intelligence. I estimate the average intelligence of the group of master’s degree holders in my field and assume I am the average there. I believe my grammar is (way) worse than average compared to my peer group, due to my grades for writing assignments, and the numerous basic errors I keep finding in my writings. Important here is to only use facts would move your opinion if heard about others. This keeps me grounded without excessive self depreciation nor having the: "I have an IQ of 140 because some online quiz told me!" mentality. Seeing them not applying any version of this is frustrating. Yet I do struggle with applying the rule myself when it comes to...

I have been watching Adam Ragusua, a cooking/science youtuber, for many years now. He sporadically mentions his struggling with depression and the things he tried but does not seem to work. He uploaded a video recently (https://youtu.be/HNtpEimk8DU) saying that he is better and effectively 'cured'. Brain magnet therapy fixed whatever issue was going on. He gave the basic advice about trying different things, as each thing might have a slim chance of working but as long as you keep trying something may click yadi ya. I nodded along but then he said that “Therapy is like love you have to keep trying different things till you find the one for you.” All his advice instantly became worthless to me when hearing that.

I was reading this memorial of a random local man who never found love. His sister wrote about how all the girls he liked, didn't like him back. About how much love he had to give but that no one was willing to accept him romantically. How he tried to find love and kept trying. How he was always there for his family being a great uncle for his nephews and nieces. The picture they showed of him, communicated why he would struggle finding a woman in a way words can not. They might care for him, find him sweet but not romantically or sexually attractive. The picture was so clear... His sister said that at some point he stopped trying altogether and accepted that it just wouldn't happen for him. He would volunteer at old people centres instead. He died some time later from cancer telling his mom that he was fine, trying to reassure her even then with his final words. His story really hit me. I know what the Adams of the world would say. “Keep trying! There will be someone!” but there won't be. They would gawk at me for drawing conclusion from a picture while claiming “There is someone out there for everyone!” denying the TOTALITY OF HIS LIVED EXPERIENCE. Literally no one was out there and there never will be. He is dead how can anyone muster up those statements? I am getting angry at a strawman. He was right to give up. I am surprised that he participated in the world at all and didn't end up being a recluse or a violent incel. Different generation I suppose.

I wanted to scream at Adam that the advice is not applicable for everyone, not for this guy, not for me. At those moments I have to remind myself "statistical average" and try to disconnect with my own state and just look at the facts. I have not tried everything. Others would say I have not tried at all, not seeing the struggle. Objectivity, the stats are grim, but by no means unsalvageable if I remove the personal aspect of it all. So hard to do it with this topic though.

See you soon Somi.